Jellybean

Do I have it? Maybe. But I have reasons that one cannot find under the Google God. First off, it’s not that I have commitment phobia, but I lack the interest to see myself married to another person. When all your girlfriends are talking about future plans to get wedded off (for some reason, “wedded off” makes me think of someone getting dragged up a cliff and kicked off), it’s hard to show genuine interest in the content. Same thing with kids, but that’s another story (haha). Yes, imaginary wedding bells are probably uh, a great sound?…to hear? But how about after those said bells, honeymoon and you finally settle in with the love of your life?

Nothing beats waking up to the person you love, I can validate that ;) But then, familiarity of presence kicks in, or better known as, getting too comfortable, too fast. This is sickening because most people don’t realize that when you get too comfortable with someone (ESPECIALLY with your partner), you stop TRYING. Yes, I know you know what I mean. “Trying” itself has a whole new scale, from taking care of yourself to impress your partner (who doesn’t like to look and feel good about themselves?!) to settling into a rut (not wanting to do anything).

I will be completely honest. I can’t picture myself married to another person because I would hate for that day to come when I’m arguing with the man of my dreams over stupid shit like doing dirty dishes in the sink. Yeah I know, there are those of you who are thinking, ‘Well, you can certainly sit down and talk it out with him…after all, relationships take work, right?’? Yes, you’re absolutely right…but I’m selfish. If I can avoid feeling that shame of putting myself out there to be in that position where I’m dumbfounded that I’m living with someone that I have gotten TOO comfortable with.

I’m not sure what made me sit up and type this out but I have friends, co-workers and even family members point out this weird trait of mine…this weird “marriage/thought of having kids grosses me out” kind of trait. One of my co-workers even asked, “Jenny, since you have commitment issues, how about you just get yourself a male gigolo?” Hmmm, well thank you, fellow co-worker…